Where do I begin?
From devotion to abandonment, grounding, and noting motivations
Didn’t I mention last week that the mind was going to be shooting at many targets at the same time? well, you will notice by the end of this text… For your sanity and mine, I will include a table of contents, and take your time!
A. Knowing how to be alone, knowing how to be with others; Community and Individual needs 00:00 - 05:12
B. Old skills, new skills, and the land of the unknown 05:12 - 08:38
C. Past lives’ echoes, a revision, and the sudden urge to eject from the comfort zone. 08:38 - 11:08
D. Combustion - Cazimi and the title of this space 11:08 - 13:43
E. From devotion to abandonment, grounding and noting motivations 13:43 - 21:53
“The individual who senses his aloneness, and only he, is like a thing subject to the deep laws, the cosmic laws. If a person goes out into the dawn or gazes out into the evening filled with happenings, if he senses what happens there, then all situations fall away from him as from someone dead, even though he stands in the midst of life.” _Rilke
A. Knowing how to be alone, knowing how to be with others; Community and Individual needs
The Sun in Gate-Hexagram 40, and Earth in Gate-Hexagram 37, as programming partners, also activate the tribal channel of community, a design of being a part seeking a whole. Also, Part of The cross of planning that is coming to an end -2027, where bargains are maintained because of loyalties that with time can lead to corruption,
-In favors, we owe to others what might have belonged to the free.
I would like to be your friend, and build community, but not at the expense of my authenticity, and the alignment with my freedom. Running away from the herd mentality, I position myself and organize for liberation, having Uranus in my design on gate 40.4 and personality 40.1 (retrograde)-- both archetypes yearn for the possibility of liberation, even if one has to stand alone outside of the community, taking a break so I can fuel my energy instead of depleting via force. I am offering the potential for determination.
One thing is clear: a resolute NO, that is firm, and unbreakable, to establish healthy boundaries, and which protects both the individual and communal space; its ecology is rooted in the principle of finding the perfect balance between emotional attachments and the determined commitment to be part of resonant communitas. What is at stake if the family, neighborhood, clan, or city looks the other way, as toxic elements slowly impregnate the waters, air, and other elements needed for survival?
I will not save you, but will set the example as an "action of setting free". Communities that care for healthy connections and know how to create a balance between individual and collective needs will thrive. At this point in my life, I belong to a few, and I am grateful for that.
THE LOST ART OF DOING NOTHING
The 40th Gift of Resolve is about becoming adept at giving to yourself. When you activate the 40th Gene Key at a higher frequency, exhaustion becomes a thing of the past. When your life force is aligned correctly, you will discover that there is a vast amount of energy available to you. The same forces that drive the Shadow also drive the Gift, but the result is completely different.
Everything about this 40th Gene Key is about having boundaries, and in order to create boundaries you have to be able to deny other people access to your energy. You have to be able to say no. The correct use of this kind of isolation ensures that neither your energy nor your resources are ever depleted. The energy that goes into isolation can be a wonderful ally in life if used correctly. It is this ability to set personal boundaries around your energy and your time that gives rise to the Gift of Resolve.
The 40th Gift is a genetic balance to its programming partner, the 37th Gift of Equality. Whereas the nature of the 37th Gift is to endlessly offer support and succour to others, the 40th Gift balances this through ensuring that you also always have enough time, space and enjoyment for yourself.
Every human being has to eventually learn from this Gift. It brings balance to our lives by reminding us of the true power of our aloneness.
In the future, family will no longer be an isolated tribal phenomenon but a collective breath pattern that unites all human beings. This is the future that is coming. It is the same vision that Christ held as the natural state of humanity. It is what he referred to as the kingdom of heaven.
-R. Rudd, Gene Keys, Unlocking The Higher Purpose Hidden In Your DNA.
B. Old skills, new skills, and the land of the unknown
The new moon’s intentions in Virgo were set, they align with discernment and perhaps new habits and rituals. Their sacredness relies on the attention given that leads to a state of presence.
-What new habits have you started recently and do you have clarity on the short, middle, and long-term intentions?
The dedication to sacredness in the day-to-day, my higher self spoke to me and said:
-Do Trust, my dear, all you need is in your body!
When greed and ignorance override opportunities:
We have felt since last November, end of April, and mid-May, how the eclipses continue to shake the foundation of the way we relate to life, our resources, the possibility of scarcity, and the clear opportunities for growth both materially and in spirit. A few more months before another set of eclipses will occur (Oct 25 + Nov 8, 2022). As a reminder, the current axis NN in Taurus and SN in Scorpio squaring Saturn, point to grounding ourselves as our individual currency-resource, in innovative ways, and letting go of attachments that are detrimental for our current landscape to evolve.
Before then (as I anticipate myself to be mindful and prepared), we will experience a few lunations on surrendering old views, closures, and forgiveness. Observing and creating a balance between instincts and needs, and upgrading our relationship with situations, people, and things.
The last eclipses on the same inverted axis back in 2013, set the ground and the pace for the equanimity and courage to confront a lot of stagnation. My life was about to change very much then and I did not know it. I understand time cycles now and know intuitively that this 2022 is fundamental for setting up a good base for what will come in the next few years.
-Walking slowly and paying attention both to the ground and the horizon.
Venus in Leo, opposing Saturn and inconjunct Neptune in Pisces has the opportunity for these tense aspects to be a wonderful choice, to dissolve and confront diverse points of view as you self-validate activating the needs and values you focused on during her retrograde period in Capricorn at the end of 2021 - beginning of 2022. As it will trine Pluto this weekend, the support is here, show them off. Go, Go, Go!...before it enters Virgo and asks of you to be more humble and ready to serve others.
-What were those? Do you remember? Look at your journals!
The current square with the nodal axis - Uranus in fixed signs makes it feel painful as change only happens if it must, like when something breaks or it is suddenly gone.
Holding on to the familiar may cause even more damage as a lot of tissue can tear in the natural and organic ways to evolve: either one Embraces or Resists it, there is always a choice.
C. Past lives’ echoes, a revision, and the sudden urge to eject from the comfort zone.
And there was the aftermath when I pulled the plug and suddenly ended 18 years of marriage (Dec. 2014). It appeared to have happened out of the blue, but it was a slower de-conditioning that led to a much-needed release.
I found many pieces of materials scattered in my studio after a period of multiple travels and exhibitions; they were part of the process of different artworks.
I started to paint and compose different collages thereafter. I gave myself the freedom to experiment with what I felt were the leftovers of myself or the pieces that had been separated when I was trying so much to relate. Unbeknownst to me, I was starting a healing process towards individuation and emotional sovereignty that happened and flourished along with my work.
I started to see more color and bolder unrestricted gestures that then transformed into what you see today in all my creations. Sudden bold, abstract shapes and color combinations would be defining my works, as I approached new materiality, new combinations, experiencing and experimenting with the possibility of finding out who I was when alone. After all, I had spent all my life as a codependent being.
You can read Fierce in this writing. Yes, I am fierce to maintain my freedom as I learned nearing my mid-life that leaving a toxic place/ relationship was a pure sign of preservation, despite the guilt and shame I was receiving. I hadn’t had any boundaries.
It took a while to find the wisdom in these words, which are ascribed to the Buddha: “If you buy a gift for someone and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?” I learned that when others say something about me, or to me, I make a distinction between deep listening and owning their feelings. So any emotions that are projected onto me as possible expectations, I disengage with and return them to the sender.
A similar process is happening in the collective– something has ended, a way of life, and it is imperative that as individuals we pick up the little pieces and move forward with what will acquire a different meaning with time-
As everything shifts, finding gravity and grounding practice is quite nourishing.
D. Combustion - Cazimi and the title of this space
The title of this column I AM OPtimist does not have a TYPo, it is intended to make you pause and look twice. This space is grateful to have Mari B as a copy editor, for she does a beautiful job; there are times our schedules collide, so I post without having another set of eyes to correct and refine what seems so clear to me, and so abstract for others, full of ideas intertwined.
Somehow the timing between writing and catching typos is anachronic, so until I probably have re-read the text for the third or fourth time I may or may not see something off. It was not like this before. As a polyglot instead of writing impeccably in many languages, something has emerged with time– I seem to have caught some late dyslexia (contrary to the belief that it is a disease, it is a way of grasping and conveying letters and numbers in the written form, and I tend to misplace letters, words or invert their order, I see them in my head one way and note them as a mirrored image…)
I was born during a Mercury Cazimi retrograde, by 17 mins it created an (inferior) conjunction to the Sun. According to old folk, Cazimis are extremely rare, and the word, coming from Arabic, implies being in the heart of the Sun. I may be skilled in writing or other forms of expression of ideas. The retrograde means that I am here to establish new channels of awareness that allow for new perspectives and relevant information to emerge. Let’s see…
By progression, my Mercury is already direct and it will become an evening star in a couple of years when it will conjunct and pass the Sun, an event to celebrate with perhaps the launching of a new bounded set of writings.
-Who knows, right?
In my natal chart, the planet of seeking truth and knowledge (Jupiter) is ending a full cycle and it is combusting (overshadowed) by the Sun at less than 3 degrees, also in Taurus. Jupiter is all about expansion in OPtimism, I can be very radical about my beliefs when challenged by others. With age, I am slowly surrendering to wisdom by not attempting to prove that my way is the only way all the time…
-but is there any other way really?… (Joke emoji here)
E. From devotion to abandonment, grounding and noting motivations
One should never give up on oneself to serve others, this old way of sacrifice had religion blinding telling us what to do.
Ra Uru Hu
The good stuff
I will make a list of the good stuff,
All the possible resources I was born with,
The new ones I have learned from,
And the potential I have to learn and practice a few others.
-What are your biggest resources? Do you know?
The Neptunian quality of Trust confronts the Fear of being dissolved into the Ether; Matter really matters, and definitions and structures keep environments sound. For there is also Trust and the organic return to the source once the journey has fulfilled certain parameters.
Yes, we are Spirit-incarnated, and our flesh is the vessel for the spirit to evolve. During these times, every conversation, every transmission is an activation as we’re all looking to get grounded while the ground is still shaking below our feet.
The Aura guards my vessel, and the strategy on how to operate ensures the health of the physical being. Sovereignty means emotional maturity since one cannot blame the other for what I am doing in a state of awareness.
I am taking a deep dive into Human Design again, filling the gaps that I have missed since I started my experiment 5 years ago. Human Design is not about learning the keywords and definitions by heart, it is about observing my uniqueness and making sure I understand how to operate the mechanics of my vessel. There is a lot of deconditioning that happens when surrendering and accepting things as they are.
The root of it all: Survival, motivation, and stress
Adrenaline - Release - Panic - Resources - Repeating Cycles - Different views
-What is my currency?
-Where is my leadership?
-How can I be of service to you, without compromising my self-reliance?
Indeed, a final rush of adrenaline rises as survival becomes the scope. It is in the process afterward that I slowly start piecing it together.
Thriving and creativity can only occur when that state of survival is transformed into an open field of infinite possibilities.
The power and the drawback of technology and social media
To be honest I am aware that technology has served me well thus far, with some caution. I have also become aware of my codependency issues while posting, waiting, counting likes, and observing overall engagement (especially mine).
The great thing is that in the last 6 years I have invested a great deal of time and resources to investigate, find, and engage in learning new practices, all very useful to me today.
I have found uber-talented teachers, group practices, and amazing beings that I call my fractal family.
The risk is in the “time” I sometimes commit to, as my mind loves rabbit holes and in those journeys, I also get sucked into the black holes of self-pity -no one sees me- hopelessness -how can I make an impact since no one sees me- and the worst, comparing my uniqueness to someone else's feed! I compare myself not to them but to their feed that probably has been curated and edited to look marvelous!
-How to navigate and make use of technology with support and no restrictions?
-How to bring full awareness to my body without getting lost in my mind as the virtuality of the experience attracts and distracts every single cell of my body?
Recalibration: HD is the science of differentiation, a synthesis of various ancestral paradigms; it is through getting reacquainted with my vessel that I can start living my unique design and stop the homogenization process. It is still so present as the herd mentality rides the wave of every social media outlet.
Starting at the base with the energy that drives and motivates
-There is an urge now.
-The urgency is stated by the times we are living in.
-Have I learned enough to support myself and others?
-Do I still have time to commit to more practices as the universe throws us more curve balls?
The answer is only within and starts with:
-How do I relate to my root center? How do I not become a victim of stress? How do I get motivated and committed? How do I use this energy center for the individual benefit and thus for all humankind?
Gate - Hexagram_39: What emotional state am I provoking in me / others to reach an abundance of spirit?
Gate - Hexagram_54: Is there energy that fuels the body and drives its motivation to move, to be ambitious?
Gate - Hexagram_38: Offers tenacity to find purpose and thus knows how to survive.
Gate - Hexagram_58: The drive in finding the joy of living, improving all imperfections.
Gate - Hexagram_60: The drive to know the power of limits and how they can generate mutation.
Gate - Hexagram_ 52: The fuel to restrain, stay still, and observe patterns.
Gate - Hexagram_ 41: Pruning and the fuel needed to initiate new experiences.
Gate - Hexagram_ 53: the drive and the readiness to begin something new. The pressure of the initiating energy to generate a new cycle without the certainty of where it will go.
Gate - Hexagram_19: Sensitive to the needs of the community, the potential to drive revolutions when those needs are no longer met; sensitivity.
The Root center is the pressure to get rid of stress. All ancestral and early life unprocessed trauma can be found here. Most of the Gates are in Capricorn 58, 38, 54, 60 Cancer 52, 39, 53, and in Aquarius 41,19.
It pertains to how we relate to the embodiment.
Feeling at home in your body, on the planet, and in your life is related to the Root center.
When one is too conditioned, that feeling of being at peace, grounded, and in the right place and at the right time can be non-existent, as the stress rushes all the time, having the sympathetic nervous system running the show. The root center has no awareness, it is pure drive, or instinct. Check your adrenaline levels and tend to your drive for they are your fuel, your essence or Jīng 精1, along with Qi 氣 (breath, vital force) and Shen (神) spirit composing the Three Treasures,Sanbao 三寶.
Observe the following and take note:
-Are you always on the go? Or always barely able to move, depressed? If your body is in a state of flight/fight or fawn, it would be impossible to find creativity and opportunities to grow.
One can not reflect in streaming water. Only those who know internal peace can give it to others.
Lao Zi
According to Traditional Chinese Medical theory, Jīng or Essence can be summarised in two parts: the Yin, being congenital or prenatal, and the Yang, being postnatal or acquired. Prenatal Jing is acquired at birth from the parents: the father's sperm and the mother's ovum. This is a similar concept to DNA. Postnatal Jing is acquired after birth through food, water, oxygen, as well as environmental and social conditions—very much like the concept of epigenetics. The concept is expounded in the Taoist cosmological Bagua.
A. Knowing how to be alone, knowing how to be with others; Community and Individual needs 00:00 - 05:12 B. Old skills, new skills, and the land of the unknown 05:12 - 08:38 C. Past lives’ echoes, a revision, and the sudden urge to eject from the comfort zone. 08:38 - 11:08 D. Combustion - Cazimi and the title of this space 11:08 13:43 E. From devotion to abandonment, grounding and noting motivations 13:43 21:53
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