NOTE: this is a long article, it covers next week’s section too. It is time to disseminate and assimilate! Happy full moon! this email may be cropped so go directly to the link for the full length article! For
“Time is the substance I am made of. Time is a river which sweeps me along, but I am the river; it is a tiger which destroys me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire which consumes me, but I am the fire.”
- Jorge Luis Borges, Labyrinths: Selected Stories & Other Writings
The wounded
I intend to start with this image I drew on June 2nd, 1970, barely 6 years old…
Already at the hands of the authorities, my caretakers chose for my early education– they were planting the seeds that would take years to uproot. Being quite curious and spontaneous did not click very well within the North American Catholic Benedict Institution1 that had arrived in Bogota, Colombia, in the early 60s. For 3 long years I was mostly shamed and blamed for just being a super curious and funny child. At home, my parents allowed the 4 of us to play, question, and create; at school, instead, I was taped to chairs with masking tape (I probably had ADHD) and was also silenced with tape over the tiny mouth that insisted on protesting and questioning authority.
You see, I have always been a feisty little S%*T, and I wear it like a badge of honor. The best part is when I figured out a way to skip the daily Mass service… (“C’mon, Mom, you escaped Coventry to marry Dad! What were you thinking about your school choice? I know the English language was an important factor, but…”)
We had daily mass (roll eyes emoji), and although I was VERY proud to have been potty-trained very early on, yet, if peeing on my underwear meant a way to skip mass, then I did what I had to… and it worked! But I started to do it so often that the kind nuns from hell decided to shame me publicly in the middle of the green field where we had our recess. There was a long laundry line with my underwear, labeled with my name, attached to a couple of trees, so I would stand beneath it flashing my genitals while I skipped rope… anything to create havoc… lol. I am laughing now because I swear I tried every single thing to escape being conditioned by the Penguin suits.
Throughout my life I have been constantly shamed, blamed, and made accountable for other people’s projections. I have, with awareness and a strong will, been able to identify, confront, embrace, release and forgive. And I have run away, severed bonds, and moved away as a survival mechanism.
I am at such a crossroads now (scroll down to the full moon in the Pisces section) , and this opportunity is HUGE as all stars align to dissolve any leftovers of animosity that still arises from inside my bones. An opportunity to surrender and let go of the anger I feel of centuries of abuse imparted by the Catholic/Christian/Religious institutions that supported and funded colonialism, a sort of cultural cannibalism. Yes, some of my ancestors were part of that deal. I am, as a sovereign entity with a conscious heart, dissolving that connection with love and awareness by embracing a new perspective, thus releasing traumatic bonds.
My dreams (that at times are so vivid), remind me of life-death situations in past lives, where as a mercenary I fought with a sword against any fundamentalism. What I can remember is the image of being a very potent and merciless warrior in previous incarnations. In this lifetime, I made sure to direct this energy in yielding and softening, diffusing this destructive energy and transforming it into a very creative one.

After my father’s sudden passing in 1973, I took refuge by inquiring about ideas and systems that I did not fully comprehend, but which spoke to me. I found many invitations of them in my dad’s bookshelves, as I was desperately trying to find pieces of him inside of his books– every phrase he underlined spoke to me. I found Nietzsche, Carl Jung, and many more, but these two were enough for me to make a jump start.
-My journey in search of my truth was initiated.
First things first, I took ownership of my decision-making once Dad passed; the Catholic school became history within weeks as I entered an English institution supported by the British Council, and I ensured during the interview I was not going to be forced to pray or attend mass.
There was no religion class– Morality and Ethics was the name of the class, with Mr. Flores, who also taught history. Through shared ethical stories we listened attentively; he played a vinyl where a moral problem was presented and we later discussed how to solve it during the class. As long as I did not have to give my soul to Jesus, nor the Virgin Mary, or any of the Saints, I was SAFE! I would abide by the rules of the class that was subtly imposing the same judgment practice…
A world of evanescent impressions; a world without matter or spirit, neither objective nor subjective, a world without the ideal architecture of space; a world made of time, of the absolute uniform time of [Newton’s] Principia; a tireless labyrinth, a chaos, a dream.
- A new refutation of time, J.L. Borges
The magician dissolves the past, purifying self-compassion
-Is there any truth that I am still hiding from?
-Do I still want to sugarcoat and look the other way, when I now have the chance for a final closure?
I am at peace forgiving the choice I made as a soul to walk this journey through my ancestral line.
-Don’t be selfish– yes, I mean I have to nurture my needs and look after my self-reliant signature. I have already severed codependencies at this stage, and I am very aware of what it takes to get lured into the sweet song of self-neglect, the sweet aroma of self-denial and most importantly the soft and almost invisible veil that I pretend not to see when I do not take accountability for my actions.
The blame game is gone… dissolved like sand or water between my open fingers.
I too have acted as a victim, when in rage– Saturn in Pisces 1st house that reflects the intention to structure around universal laws, dissolving artificial man-made paradigms, tuned into deeper truths, in rage, I still scream:
- WHY ME?
-Me, me, me.
Your doctor must have a broken leg to doctor.
Your defects are the ways that glory gets manifested.
Whoever sees clearly what’s diseased in himself
Begins to gallop on the Way,
…
Don’t turn your head.
Keep looking at the bandaged place.
That‘s where the light enters you.
And don’t believe for a moment that you are healing yourself.
-Rumi, Childhood friends
I have the opportunity with this upcoming full moon that lands exactly on my Chiron’s2 22 Gate - Hexagram - Gene key at 17 degrees Pisces, the theme of suffering in the name of all humankind is my soft spot, my vulnerable point. The full moon also trines and supports my natal Neptune at 16 degrees in Scorpio where the South Node has been hovering in the past days and still opposes transiting Uranus in my fourth house - Chiron opposes my natal Pluto at 11 Degree Virgo - the Sun just activated this 64th Gate.
-Can you see in the chart that transiting Mars is activating a square to natal Pluto at 11 degrees Gemini?
It is as if I had chosen to completely wipe off the hard drive full of ancestral trauma (Transiting Uranus on my fourth house) supported by the confrontation of the Scorpio South Node to Neptune in ways that empower me with self-compassion, forgiveness, and soul. Neptune rules the full Moon and Chiron on my second house; transiting Venus is on my natal Uranus: the theme is very clear: confrontation– letting go of ancestral and childhood trauma (4th and 10th house), liberation by giving value to my journey, attending to my needs, I no longer feel ashamed or allow any other person to project their shortcomings on to me. Crises brings relief…
-Monika, we ought to be gentle and soft, firm and direct.
How do I perceive all this? As the end of a long road where the pain and vulnerability felt through intimate relationships as well from the influence received through authority figures despite my rebellion is GONE– phew! I can feel the air differently. I also confronted and let go of the pain and victim mode data I received from my ancestral family (especially my mom’s side).
When I feel disempowered, I secretly resent everyone, and my inner chatter cries with, “Why me!?!” There has been shame and blame and now I am in my full power; if this image or thought enters my space, I pause, and I nurture a breath in the now with so much compassion:
-Monika, why are we traveling to the past or buying a ticket for an unknown future? The healing is here now, my love.
Taking a good look at all things that I judge because I still feel them as imperfect; if I must be atoned, then I surrender to the darkness of the projected light, where I accept responsibility and refuse to fall into a life of martyrdom.
Pisces full moon is about dissolving and forgiving, Virgo Sun + Venus about disseminating, Scorpio South Node about confronting and letting go, while Uranus deals with trauma and the 4th house ancestral S%*t (10th house, too…)
As we enter deeper into the transmission field of the 22nd Gene Key and its Shadow frequency, we encounter three streams of teachings concerning the nature of suffering left by three great world teachers or avatars. These three beings are actually one single being, which divided into three fractal aspects over the course of human evolution. Even though these were individual people or Magi, it is more helpful to see them as three fractal transmissions of the same Truth. The first is Hermes Trismegistus, whose legacy dates back to the Age of Atlantis and whose name (meaning thrice great) directly reflects the triple nature of this transmission. Hermes goes by many names — Thoth, Merlin and Fu Hsi to name a few. The teaching represented by this fractal is the teaching of Alchemy or High Magic. All true Alchemy concerns the transmuta- tion of suffering through alignment with Divine Will. The second great teacher is Christ, whose fractal represents the transmutation of suffering through love and sacrifice. Finally, the third great teacher is the Buddha, whose fractal represents the transmutation of suffering through wisdom and compassion.
- Richard Rudd the 22nd Gene key
The atmosphere is clear, the emotional wave has circled various times and the contemplation has led me to the following:
The Observer: TIME CYCLES
Synodic cycles of all objects are important to track eventually, as we are still perceiving time from a Judeo-Christian tradition in the west that has created the narrative we are abiding by in the last two millennia. Ancestral time is cyclical. We look at the path of each object concerning where we are and track its trajectory.
Observation and correlation
The I Ching (the Taoist book of changes) is a code to track time evolving from the Yang, the creative energy that emanates from the father, the skies, as it meets and copulates with the receptive Yin earthy mother, which also bears us until it generates the “I”, my perception of self as a human, who is here to synthesize these polarities at all times. A binary code that needs our perception to synthesize it. This is the origin of the trigram.
My work is based on these observations. I studied with a Chinese Taoist Master for nine years back in the early 2000s. His transmission was vital for where I currently find myself (that story another day…).
The vibration Matrix of energy
-It always goes back to strategy and authority, as simple as it seems, a little too easy...
-People get obsessed with the classification, not the application…
As Emotional beings: you need time! You need to not make spontaneous decisions because your vulnerability is in moving too quickly before the full emotional clarity has arrived.
-What is emotional clarity? It is giving your body time to download the full message that is coming from your soul. Because as emotionally defined beings, you are equipped with a system, an architecture that is allowing the soul to involve in the physical body and communicate with you from within… Your spirit is speaking to you through your nervous system… the message is so vast, you need earthly time to download the full clarity (wave)
…if you only take one moment as the full picture. you are only getting one pixel ff the whole picture that is downloading, give yourself some time, if something or someone cannot wait for you then it is not for you.
-Dylan Varenhorst, the Human Design Maven, Before Dawn Ep 8, Altering Fate, Phantom… with David Lawrence Palmer - Aired: 08/31/2022. Transcribed from YouTube.
Dylan is talking about the importance of following the strategy and authority as an emotional defined personin Human design .
One of my signatures in my Human Design bodygraph is Gate-Hexagram 38, which is activated at my root center as my unconscious South Node, an imprint I received 88 days before my birthday -it creates a channel with Gate-hexagram 28 defining my splenic center--immune system. This energy gives my body the tenacity to fight for what gives me a deep purpose in life and sustains my individuality, that drive to unfalteringly defend my integrity. It is the essential combustible to contest my fear of senseless death, a life lost as an opportunity to evolve.
It embodies the tension that defies to defend independence, freedom, and integrity. The Stream of Intuition originates in this gate-hexagram. A primordial instinctive drive, like all other individual gates/channels, is not capable of being influenced by others. My way or the highway, even if this unyielding resistance brings isolation, that could be the cost and a gain– the potential to succeed due to its tenacity.
On the other hand, and literally at the other side of the root center, the gate - hexagram 39 that activates my unconscious North Node connects to the Solar Plexus through the channel of emoting. Emotions are waves of energy stemming from the soul, and they need time. The breath anchors these waves as the pace and rhythm can give a clear focus to the intended.
Synchronicity and the I Ching
We have all heard the term synchronicity (thanks to Carl Jung, even the band “The Police“ made a song back in the day).
It goes beyond coincidences...
It relates to the insight or meaningful connection between two a-casual situations or things that you can observe happening. Most of the time they are seemingly unrelated and they happen at different times. The observer (the I) notices the coincidence and with deep reflection can notate a connection (insight) that has a deeper meaning, even allowing the ability to solve riddles (things yet to comprehend).
That is basically the meaning: Sync means together and Chronos is time as we perceive this being here now.
-Now if one follows intuition, life thus becomes full of synchronistic events…
-Terence McKenna on the I Ching/ synchronicity - Carl Jung -shamanism - the concept of time - change - quantum physics
JM: And, I know in the literature today, especially in trans-personal psychology, there are many psychotherapists who use the I Ching as a regular part of their practice. And, parapsychologists have, have found striking evidence that the [stutters] coincidences of tossing the coins in the I Ching do have, uh, psychological validity.
TM: Yes, well the thing which amazed me about the I Ching and caused me to become so deeply involved with it is this fact that it seems to work, against all rational expectation. The carrying out of this, uh, random ritualistic activity seems then to give a reading which is, in fact, applicable to the unique situation. Now, Jung’s explanation of this was what he called, uh, acausal connected or synchronicity. This was simply the idea that it was possible for there to be a coincidence of, uh, congruence between an internal state--a psychological state--and an exterior event. Uh, an obvious example of this would be: you think of someone you haven’t thought of for years and an hour later, in the mail, a letter arrives from them. Jung was fascinated by these kinds of apparent, uh, coordinations of the interiorized psychic sphere and the exterior, three-dimensional, objective world.
My approach was, uh, went somewhat deeper than Jung’s in that I felt that, eh, uh, I had looked at many divinatory systems with the notion that I was looking at, uh, artifacts of culture, uh, productions of the human mind that were to a large degree arbitrary. My involvement with the I Ching led me very slowly and reluctantly to the conclusion that this was not simply a product of a cultural mentality or the stance of a particular people in a time and a place, but rather that the ancient Chinese had somehow gotten a leg up, even on modern physics, and had produced a theory about time that was in fact objectively, uh, possible to correlate with our own experience. In other words, a theory of time much more akin to a physicist’s, uh, description of it than a shaman’s description of it. And, uh, you mentioned in your introduction this Timewave Zero software that we’ve developed. We, what we’ve done is simply to formalize the notion of the Tao to make a deep study of the mathematics inherent in the structure of the sequence of the I Ching.
See, most people are quite familiar with the fact that the I Ching is composed of hexagrams; hexagrams have six lines; they may be broken, they may be unbroken. Less well known is the fact that there is a very ancient tradition, even before the Han dynasty, of a particular sequence being the correct sequence. It’s called the King Wen sequence. And, while it has been agreed upon by all scholars commenting on the matter that the King Wen sequence is somehow primary, no one had ever explained how it was ordered.….
JM: They--and, you seem to be suggesting, then, that the 64 hexagrams of the I Ching, in their mathematical relationship one to the other as you go through the sequence, describes a waveform.
TM: A waveform which is experienced in the world by human beings as time and history. You see, it’s almost a though, uh, in Western science, uh, we're pretty confident that there are approximately 100 elements, physical elements, to matter.
JM: That’s right, different atoms.
TM: That’s right, that are incommensurable, they are somehow primary. The Chinese looked not at the world of matter, energy and space, but the world of time and carried out a very rigorous analysis of their own perception and discovered to their amazement that time is actually composed of elements.
JM: And, as we have then, if I can extrapolate from what you are saying, the periodic table of-of elements in Western chemistry which defined not just 100 elements but a relationship between them, cycles and patterns …
TM: Bonding relationships, that’s right.
JM: Families of chemicals [TM: That's right ], so we have in other words families of ways of looking at time.
TM: Well, the hexagrams are the elements in the Chinese physics of time. They, uh, created a science that reinforces primary perceptions that we all have but for which we have no science. For instance, I’m sure you’ve noticed that every day is rather like every other day. Nevertheless, I’m sure you’ve also noticed that some days are radically different than others. Well, this sameness-but-different rule applies on all levels in a temporal hierarchy. Centuries are rather like each other, and yet occasionally a century will come along that is quite anomalous. We call this sameness-and-difference nesting fractal. This is a new branch of mathematics, and quite simply what the Chinese discovered circa 3,000 B.C. was the fractal nature of time, that the rules of expression of temporal elements which govern the rise and fall of dynasties also govern the rise and fall of love affairs and moods.…
JM: So, whereas Carl Jung, the great Swiss psychiatrist who wrote, incidentally, the preface to Richard Wilhelm’s Book of the I Ching and postulated this theory of synchronicity, well, well, Jung didn’t provide any mechanism for synchronicity. He-he simply said it works this way, that the mind seems to be related to these events, and he found enormous therapeutic benefit from that understanding. What you’re suggesting is that the potential mechanism behind the Jungian notion of synchronicity has to do with the structure of time itself, and [TM: That's right ], and, and, you must be suggesting therefore that the human mind, at this very deep level that the sages discovered from stilling their organism, that the mind has a parallel structure, an isomorphic structure.
TM: That’s exactly the central point: the mind arises out of matter. This is why the I Ching works in both worlds; one is the reflection of the other. The key to healing the apparent dualism lies in studying the temporal mechanics indicated by the I Ching. And, I believe we’ve done this, uh, formally, mathematically.
Partial edited transcript: Thinking Allowed Productions Presents, Inner Work Videotape, Time and the I Ching with Terence McKenna with Jeffrey Mishlove- full text here.
“If you allow your pain, or the world pain, to be expressed through an artistic process, you will see alchemy in progress.”
…
“The tantric path is the easiest path to misunderstand because it cannot be followed with the mind, but only with the heart. It takes a certain degree of madness in a person to follow this path, uncharted as it is. It is the path of the poetic soul — the lover of wildness, of spontaneity, of paradox — the lover of the moment.
To be illuminated means to think God’s thoughts.
When Illumination floods your being, it also takes possession of your mind. In this sense, to be illuminated means to think God’s thoughts. Such thoughts are beyond our very concept of thought. At this level, the mental body gives way to the causal body (see the 22nd Gene Key), which allows indwelling awareness to become one with thought itself. Such thought makes no sense to the mind, but burns itself white-hot into your very DNA. At the Divine level, your causal body (sometimes called your soul) becomes your physical vehicle. This great mystery is the reason why the initiatic traditions say that after enlightenment you can no longer incarnate in the world of form. You can incarnate as a subtle higher being, but not as a carbon-based life form.”
-Richard Rudd 64th Gene Key
YOUTUBE HERE X (coming end of 09.07.2022)
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Pope John XXIII asked the religious congregations of North America to send 10 percent of their members to Latin America. On January 16, 1962, Mother Mary John informed the community that Mount Saint Benedict would send two sisters to help staff the grade school at Colegio San Carlos in Bogotá, Colombia. July 4, 1962, Mother Mary John announced that she had selected Sister Edwin McDunn and Sister Mary Martin Bias to go to Bogotá. This ministry continued for almost 30 years.
Chiron's location in the solar system and place in mythology suggests a role as a mediator between the material and spiritual worlds, between Saturn and Uranus. Barbara Hand Clow called it a Bridge between the inner and outer planets. Chiron knows both poles, by ignoring the material side of his nature, his agony arises and although Chiron is a great healer, he is powerless to prevent this. Redemption is experienced when he surrenders his immortality and becomes a constellation in the skies.
You are bringing SO much to reflect upon in these amazing weekly transmissions, Monika. I'm currently feeling myself in something of a Ground Zero state, where things like this post or episodes of Before Dawn are going into my consciousness and I can feel them seeding things within me, but what those seeds will grow into remains completely mysterious.
There is an impatient part of me that wants to skip ahead in the pages to see what these seeds have become, but the wiser part knows that it depends upon how I care for the seeds and that to skip ahead would be cheating myself of the opportunity to co-create.
Thus, for now, I'll just thank you for contributing your seeds to my garden and appreciate the role I suspect you'll play in their co-creation!