“The best political, social, and spiritual work we can do is to withdraw the projection of our shadow onto others.”
— C.G. Jung
Swimmer's Ear - Temporarily Deaf
It has been several weeks since I can't hear from my left ear.
Perhaps it's due to excessive noise from the external environment? That's what my inner voice has been emphasizing...
Or could it be the water that clogged my Eustachian tube?, I can barely perceive music, and it's quite frustrating.
I've tried everything —Polyvagal exercises, lymphatic draining, humming, breathing, tuning forks, meditation, jumping, homeopathic drops, and more. I typically explore natural remedies first, followed by insights into the emotional-psychological aspects.
Only as a last resort do I consider consulting a conventional doctor; my innate stubbornness insists that I'm not there yet. Hence, these reflections.
Harmony through mood
~How to balance the 'me' and the 'we'?
Oh yes! Something recently showed up!
When I receive flattering attention, especially in new conditions, it feels great. In fact, it is a luring feeling of wanting to merge with the sensation of being one with something or someone or just being appreciated and seen by some new external environment.
For example, the sensation of swimming every night can be intoxicating, or meeting a new group of wonderful fellow beings where, by being true to myself, they accept and see me as I am, no more masks. I have been reflecting on my intimate relationships, on the moment I go from 'I am' to 'we are one with no boundaries.'
Seduced and mesmerized by the attention and the sensations in my body, this time, however, I have paused, it has been at least 33 months since I have been paying attention to my boundaries1, where I have seen a tremendous evolution in how I state my needs for individual space without incurring to violence of any sort.
In the past, I found myself caught in a storm of emotions, resorting to tears, screams, and, at times, even physical expressions that betrayed my lack of boundaries. It felt like I was tearing apart the delicate fabric of relationships abruptly, leaving wounds so deep that they appeared irreparable. In those intense moments, releasing the overwhelming emotions seemed like the only option.
Now, when I hit pause, I engage in reflection and employ the observation technique I've incorporated—mindfully, attentively, and joyfully. Yet, admittedly, there are times when I get carried away, tempted by just one more peek, one more turn, one more time! Gee!
-STOP!, BREATHE, AND CHILL, MONIKA, before there's no longer 'me,' and I become an entangled entity!
I have to say that I AM my own best friend…
The grace of riding the emotional web
Both Celtic and Native American traditions draw intriguing connections between the left side and profound aspects of our being. In Celtic cosmology, the left side is intricately tied to the realm of fairies, revered as guardians of wisdom. Simultaneously, Native American wisdom associates the left ear with our inner self and emotional well-being.
Within the framework of human design, particularly in Gate 22 where my personality Chiron2 resides, a fascinating exploration of emotional states unfolds. This gate signals a state of mind or mood, wielding the power to oscillate between sociability and introspection.
It interprets what one wants to hear in alignment with one's current emotional state, extending this inclination to music choices—whether humorous, romantic, or intense, offering a direct glimpse into one's prevailing mood.
It proves beneficial to pause and reflect before drawing emotional clarity, allowing the assimilation of information across different emotional states—riding both the ascension and descent of the emotional wave.
Its emotional depth not only empowers others but urges them to live authentically. When in a positive mood, it radiates grace and charm, fostering emotional openness and transformation.
This gate is intimately linked to the left ear, the conduit to the Emotional Center. Messages received by the left ear transcend mere facts; they encapsulate the nuanced moods of the moment, defining the gate's potential.
My Chiron lies in the first line, 22.1 — it embodies graceful acceptance and the ability to assume a secondary position aligned with one's status. Yet, in its shadow frequency, it warns of the pitfalls of using emotional energy to assert more than one's due, a journey from suffering to grace.
Amidst the ebb and flow of external flattery, the challenge becomes maintaining a state of grace—embracing humility without succumbing to the allure of claiming more than rightfully due.
In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don’t try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present.
~Lao Tzu
Borders, saying No! Useful techniques:
Deep listening is a practice that originates from learning to prioritize one's own needs first —the quality of Venus as the Taurus, second house archetype— versus focusing solely on the needs of “the other”, which aligns with the Venus archetype of Libra, seventh house, relational values as I like to refer to them.
When needs go unmet, violence can escalate. I am very grateful for a technique I learned a few years back: the language of compassion, nonviolent communication (NVC)3, where I take responsibility and understand my needs. Through NVC, I can express how I feel when these needs are not met.
The technique involves four steps: Observation, Feelings, Needs, and Request.
Observation without judgment.
NVC entails taking accountability for our feelings, necessitating a change in perspective on how others' words and actions affect our feelings. In NVC, what others say and do is considered the stimulus but never the cause of feelings.
NVC establishes a connection between feelings and unmet needs in the individual. These needs are universal and fundamental to all human beings. The outward expression of feelings, like anger and frustration, serves as indicators of needs, such as love and acceptance, that are unfulfilled.
The most effective way to distinguish a request from a demand is to include in the statement your own feelings and needs. This requires a conscious understanding of what you are asking for and why you are asking for it.
For example, instead of yelling, "You are always busy on the phone," one might say, "I notice I am not getting the attention I need because you are on the phone. I feel unappreciated. Could you focus on our conversation without distraction for a period of time, or else I won’t be able to participate in it? thank you"
Enhancing our listening skills requires a deliberate effort and a sincere commitment to understanding others.
Deep listening:
#1: Empathize by Stepping In Their Shoes: Select someone with whom you aim to enhance your relationship. During conversations, consciously try to see things from their perspective. Imagine walking in their shoes as they go about their day. Does your capacity for empathy change when you adopt their point of view?
#2: Verify Your Interpretations. Reflect on past dialogues with this person. Take a moment to fact-check your interpretations and assumptions about what they've communicated. Ensure that your understanding aligns with their intended meaning.
#3: Offer Your Undivided Attention. Commence conversations by giving your complete attention to the other person. Before transitioning to other topics, consider asking, "I want to ensure I've grasped your message correctly. May I seek clarification?" More often than not, this simple inquiry leads to a positive response.
#4: Confirm What They've Said. Make a deliberate effort to confirm what you believe you've heard—identify and mirror their emotions. If there's uncertainty about your understanding, don't hesitate to seek clarification through open communication.
#5: Validate Your Message. During discussions, inquire if the other person can articulate their understanding of your communication. How would you address any potential misunderstandings? This step fosters clear communication and ensures mutual understanding between both parties.

I can lose myself
Listening to a recent interview with Gabor Maté I found myself captivated, though I haven't finished it yet. The instance that halted me in my thoughts was when he mentioned, "I can lose myself."
It sparked an idea for this writing —the moment when I'm on the verge of losing myself in the environment, enticed by the sensation of bliss that blurs boundaries and forms attachments. This is where I find myself now, focused on the upcoming eclipse on October 28th, which will impact many of my personal planets. I'll delve into it more in my writing next week.
-where do you lose yourself? are you aware of it?
Leaving you with a new song, "To Be Found" by Nick Cave with Colin Greenwood, from the Kings Theatre Brooklyn NY concert on October 6, 2023, which unfortunately I couldn't attend... 😢
“As above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul…”
―Hermes Trismegistus
Working together with Kai, as my Hakomi method facilitator, we meet regularly.
The attitude that can heal wounds, both the pain and the medicine.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a process of communication created by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. It is a compilation of ideas about compassionate human behavior, packaged to meet the needs of modern times.