When the fog descends... YIELD
It is our differences that make each one of us unique
I have been feeling so disconnected from the outside environment as if I were in another timeline. Not too much worry, no charged emotions, not running from anything, yet in the fog, some comfort.
It feels as if I could turn blind, or deaf, and develop an inner vision and inner acoustics. When in a distant place or in another state of being that is unfamiliar yet feels safe, I breathe. There is no hurry because there is nowhere to go. Suddenly speed acquires a different meaning, it feels more like suspension. I like that, floating in a bubble.
I am between projects, I just finished two years of non-stop production, and now I am contemplating not what is next, but what is now– how does it feel, and what am I sensing in the present moment? Cancer season has made me so connected to my heart, willing to feel. Now that I think about it, transiting Uranus in Taurus on my 4th House has probably completely kicked in.
I have been in a state of observation, of my feelings, with a sense of irritability and nervousness, not wanting to be still, which at times is exhausting me so profoundly that I take two naps a day.
Oh, yeah!
Uranus corresponds to essential individuality, and in the sign of Cancer, the 4th house or connected to the Moon, it wants to identify as such and liberate whatever conditioning is left from my upbringing. I am becoming aware of the identity constructs or Personas that served me well in the past, Yet these characters have to be upgraded, a new ID.
-Who am I now? Well, I honestly have no clue…
I have been so thorough in the last two years leaving behind familiar circumstances and anything considered secure (not necessarily safe).
A belonging, a devotion to my sense of freedom– home, the space itself is super important; it is my shelter, my abode, where I belong. It’s where I spend countless hours in contemplation.
"The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow with considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge, therefore, as a rule, it meets with considerable resistance. Indeed, self-knowledge as a psychotherapeutic measure frequently requires much painstaking work extending over a long period" Carl Jung, Aion (1951). CW 9, Part II: P.14
The nightmare:
I am trembling because I am in a room connected to a machine that looks more like a fax machine than a computer. It is meant to connect and communicate from afar.
I am supposed to tune in to an authority who will certify I am capable of something I have been studying that needs knowledge, but mostly trust in the knowing (Astrology or human design for example)…
During the call some SNAFU happens, we get disconnected, and the fax-telephone-computer device stops working, suddenly, I hear this question from the other interlocutor:
- Is this something you can see, sense, or something you are thinking and sure of?
After a few seconds of panic, I sense confusion and I answer.
-Oh, and the certification?
-Which one? I hear my higher self whisper, You need NO outside approval, you are IT.
End of the night vision, what a nightmare it is for me to still feel that I need to be approved!
The archetype, then, is a potential of psychic energy inherent in all the typical human life experiences and activated in unique focus in each individual life. These forces will be modified according to infinite varieties of experience – appearing in what Jung calls complexes – but their energy and power derive from the archetype itself"
-Hart, D.L. (1997). The classical Jungian school. In P. Young-Eisendrath & T. Dawson (Eds.), The Cambridge Companion to Jung. Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press.
Cycles: Cancer time, a time to open the heart
Pluto and the full moon in Capricorn fell on my 12th House; it offered the possibility of forgiving and letting go of old conflicts from the past (lives), especially when I gave my power away to a higher authority, or inversely when I held too much power over others in positions of privilege. This opportunity to surrender could dissolve the knot and open a new cycle.
It is tough to accept after confronting– it is also tough to let go, especially when one has been defined by it.
It s such a relief to enter into a forgiving wheel, a balsamic union with All that is-
During the full moon, I was in full acceptance. I usually write this newsletter some days before I publish it so I have time to come back and relate to it, half journaling, half reflections using archetypal language, and perhaps aiming for some wisdom.
But it is indeed an exercise of humility to accept I am still here, in the not knowing, in the rediscovering…
In here,
In this human flesh,
My home is my shelter, my home is my intuitive deep knowing that now ventures to open and sense new territories never visited.
My dreams in the form of voices are apparent.
I open to them as their wisdom is the union of my soul with spirit, just like the myth of Eros and Psyche can be used as a roadmap for the inner quest for wholeness and individuation.
A turn of events.
Suddenly, a few days later, I felt an urge to disconnect from certain behaviors, and just with that notion, an insight emerged!
I got it! It is all shaping up!
The phrase abundance defines form has acquired a deeper meaning; I remember receiving this download around 6+ months ago and trying to make sense of it.
Now I know, my phrases are text as a form– they are shaped by my dreams and become like inner mantras to be discovered and slowly shaped by time.
These phrases have appeared in the last years, and they have all come during dream/meditative states…
-We are the architects of time
-Everything I need is in my body
-The only revolution is to be one’s self
-I am no longer a seeker of truth, I embody my own truth
I hold on to them like a custodian that cares for the creativity that is channeled through my vessel and offers an experience for self-inquiry -
If my work inspires you,
Fantastic! I can see your light.
Support my awareness towards a definition -
I don’t have to be understood by others to make sense of my life-
Just enjoy and keep committed to my process -
CONTEMPLATION
A state of….
Limitations bring mutation,
Intoxication,
Bliss
Chiron in Aries is going retrograde, alluring the soul to become conscious of patterns or devices on how one avoids and where one overcompensates.
I thrive when I hit walls…
What is happening these days with Saturn squaring the nodal axis and making a supporting aspect (a trine) to Venus?
When one feels like moving forward and is confronted by a limitation, then one doubts it and tends to go back and forth until a resolution is reached.
Questioning what needs to be restructured so one can function in their own sovereignty, being accountable, and thus creating and giving value to one’s being — -
Sudden accelerations taking place…
We are feeling it,
Always adapting to be reshaped,
Now I can break free to shape it myself.
Mercury and the Sun are leaving the sign of Cancer, while Venus enters it– the value of relating to the emotional body is key, it is the GPS to navigate the contrasts and dissonance of this rough yet beautiful experience.
The other night I listened to Max Richter 8 hour Lullaby Sleep while sleeping; I had not done it in a while. When the record first came out (fall 2015), I was in such a state of grief, that I would fall asleep weeping and wake up in tears. I was feeling as if I had made big mistakes in my life and I was paying for something I have done wrong. The victim mode was in full-on power, while I descended to the darkness of the underworld. I kept drowning in tears for two more years until one day I made a choice between this world and the other–which one was more worth pursuing…
I was having my Chiron return. Chiron, the wounded healer, whose vulnerability stems both from feeling unwanted at birth and eternally injured with an arrow until he gave his immortality away to Prometheus. It takes 50 years to have a return. It also works as the bridge between accountability and individuation (Saturn/ Capricorn and Uranus/Aquarius). Once it is faced not without pain, there is freedom.
In a moment of synchronicity the other day, I was having a chat with my good friend CV Henriette during our weekly IG-Astro talks, and we spoke about dreams, suspension, and the womb, I told her, “Oh wow, I just re-listened to this track and also watched the documentary”, and in it, Max talks about how together with neuroscientist David Eagleman, Ph.D., he created a “very special sound spectrum” that is felt in the womb and that is the base of the whole 8-hour score…
“For about the first seven and a half hours, there’s nothing above about 1,000 Hz — the middle of the piano. That mirrors the sound spectrum the baby hears inside the womb. I wanted to suggest or remind us of our first hearing experience” Richter explains. “Then toward the end, during the last hour, I add more and more high frequencies; the piece has a sunrise written into it.” Max Richter.
-Have you felt more connected to your emotional body?
-Do you know how to hold space for when emotions arise?
-Have you noticed the subtle changes that outside challenges are bringing you as an opportunity and also as support?
The difference between the reactionaries and the true revolutionaries.
A sudden revolution took place in a closed online community I belong to a few days ago; I challenged the status quo. An authority figure (representing Saturn/Capricorn) was questioned by the people (Uranus/Aquarius), this motivation created a space to find support for the principles within the community, deeming them necessary. When the ruling powers override the principles, the revolution against the one who is controlling could start…
In our case, the innate power of each individual motivated everyone to be placed in a space of emergence. There was an open inquiry about the needs, and many hearts were opened during the session. A possible resolution may be born…
Saturn as the limits that provide structure + discipline is retrograde back in the gate 49.6: a Revolutionary that attracts and finds support. I have D Saturn in gate 49.6, I know this energy very well, I also have the whole channel of synthesis and regulation 19/49, connecting the pressured root center to the emotional Solar Plexus. Being extremely sensitive to the needs of others, yet I somehow know how to distinguish and find balance regulating, cutting off, or rejecting what is not working for the self or the tribe.
The difference between the reactionaries and the true revolutionaries. The reactionaries base their reforms on their anger and fear, whilst the agents of the 49th Gift are not victim to their old emotional prejudices. They do not provoke further reaction but seek to resolve conflicts and at the same time implement radical changes and ideas based upon a grand vision of the future. The nature of the Gift frequency is beyond fear and is anchored in a deep goodwill towards all creatures.
We have seen that the 49th Gift is deeply concerned with the socio-political infrastructure of our civilisation. The 49th Siddhi brings some further insights to this. The first insight is that the world in its current form cannot be fixed, no matter how profound or far-reaching the revolution may be. The very bedrock of our modern society is founded upon a species that has always made decisions rooted in fear. In this respect the whole civilisation is rotten from its core. The only way for a new future to be created is to begin from scratch. The 49th Siddhi is harsh in this respect, but its sights are set upon a far distant goal, and that goal can only be accomplished with a new beginning — a rebirth. As this Siddhi dawns, a new civilisation will be built as the old one continues to crumble. Two types of human beings will coexist and both will live from a totally different awareness. The old genetic fractal of humanity will still live from fear, so they will doubtless fear the changes that they see all around them. One can see the early form of this pattern occurring in the world even now.
-Richard Rudd 64 keys.
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I appreciate the way your writing washes over me and asks me questions. It feels both cleansing and clarifying, while offering soft invitations for further inquiry. Thank you for sharing it, as always.