
…Everything is G•D …
And human perception is merely light perceiving light, that matter is a mirror.
A mirror that reflects light and creates images of that light and the world of illusion the dream is just like smoke which doesn’t allow us to see what we really are the real us is pure love…
-The 4 agreements, a Toltec book on wisdom by Don Miguel RuizÂ
Quite simple: I over-extended and I over-committed equating to an immune system crash. I spread myself too thin, I like to think of how butter melts and then disappears into the texture of a piece of toasted bread. I am neither the butter nor the toast.
I dissolved the so-called healthy boundaries, that keep me at bay with my own distinction of why I need to keep track of blurred lines as codependency is one of my shadows…
My need to feel needed and appreciated at times impairs my instincts because I stop listening to the internal cues. It has been a while since such a thing happened, yet I have to say I enjoyed the Delirium that created a capsule of timeless space, where the fever, the body pain, and the uncomfortable sensations held me tight for various days. I surrendered to the fact that I am powerless when I abandon my needs.
Normally I am quite attentive to the prompts I receive from my instinctual body, and my intuition. This time, I went deaf. Never too late. My body ached, I have difficulty swallowing as if a pair of sharp knives were at the end of my throat and I had to think about it.
Funny, what is it really that I can’t swallow? That I have to still resist?
-To believe or accept (something) without question or doubt
I am not there yet…
There is no there though… only here now.
So now after the storm, there is some air of clarity. (Btw I take no medicaments), so a lot of this was about applying all my knowledge of TCM, breathwork, humming, sleep, and meditation. Only at one last moment after a few days of excruciating pain, I needed to numb my throat, so I did.
Everything I need is in my body.
Mars + Uranus+ NNODE in Taurus triple conjunction fell on my 4th house (nurture) opposing my natal Neptune-Moon - Neptune rules the immune system, Mars in Taurus the throat. So I was taken by surprise. Sun in Gate 33, Earth Gate 19, retreat to process all codependencies, just be mindful of what is really needed. The rest can find its way through synthesis.
I noticed that since my birthday, Venus (essential needs) Jupiter (seeking truth), and Neptune (dissolution) in Pisces were all squaring my natal Venus in Gemini. It has been a slow process of 3 months where I dissolved my boundaries until shockingly my body collapsed. Thank you Mars + Uranus + North Node, this was the alignment I needed otherwise I would have strayed further from my center.
So during the delirium, I had many conversations with my future self.
I was trying the experiment of being emotionally untethered, I keep noticing that physical attention has to be placed between the sole of my feet and the core of the earth.
Conversation with future self:
-How are you?
-I am Grateful For the time I realized that codependencies could be so hidden…
So the energy was grand and I felt invincible, I was full of joy and willing to support others too, but then my body crashed and I was delirious for a couple of days. Going in and out of sleep as I still had to direct remotely the installation of a major commission I just finished, and finish three deadlines I could not postpone. In between that state of fever, sleep and a sense of suspension I was very grateful for realizing the following:
The connections I have created, how in this Aquarian age most of them happen using technology - yep as weird as it sounds, the depth of connection at times eliminates the mundane aspects of IRL relationships - of course, I would like to expand this to a day to day-
I am not looking for a tribe, as tribes are obsolete if one is shinning in sovereignty, one attracts the rest of the fractals needed to create fields and waves of resonance.
We are remembering… Reminding each other where we had been before in other lives when things went down pretty bad. Knowing that despite the fear, courage is not the absence of fear but rather the way one confronts it with heart-
I also noticed that I have a stronger commitment to responsibility than to my needs…
This week I am too weak to talk about the stars yet only one thing I have in mind:
Is how I trust when I close my eyes and I can sense everything inside.
Cognitive speaking, the inner vision speaks to a super sense. An aspect that guides and confirms an intuition that is seen, heard or felt. it translates to colors, shapes, actions, and at times decisions. the mind doesn’t operate through the thinking muscle, but through an inner reality that unfolds within
My Inner vision creates beautiful images and makes sense especially when I am the first one that is surprised at what I see from the eyes of the observer, not the creator.
This week I created a short remix video, I found Joe Alan reading The 4 agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz extremely beautiful.
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